The reason I bring this up is that no matter how much I want to respect the art of blogging, I just don’t. I wonder why some bloggers even write. And then I see the garbage they’re getting paid to market. I never wanted that and have turned away those that have inquired. I guess some people don’t want to give away the milk for free, though some of theirs might’ve soured.
I know this might offend bloggers or sound like I’m shooting myself in the foot. Here’s the thing. I’ve been blogging for almost a year. I know how much time, effort, and planning it takes just to keep it going. It takes time away from family, hobbies, and for me, things that feed my soul like daily exercise and being anywhere but in front of a computer screen. And all for what? Just to see how many hits I get not knowing if what I wrote resonated with anyone. Perhaps some of my readers weren’t really fans at all but empty clicks from someone looking to spam me. I know I’ve visited blogs, read a few lines, and clicked away never to visit again. I should tell them that my visit to their site shouldn’t really count.
What I’m realizing in this hamster-wheel-life is that I’m drifting away from what I really care about: sharing my memoir. A life story about getting married to an Iranian immigrant at nineteen. With one small detail: he was sixteen years older. The alienation that brought among my siblings and that lingers today. How we lived the American Dream with money, children, and what would be a white picket fence if our H.O.A. would’ve allowed it. A Recession that collided with our son’s autism diagnosis and all the emotional hell that brought. Living near poverty and the shame that comes with it. Trying to hang on to a marriage ripped to shreds from drugs, deceit, and infidelity. Building back a life that seems doomed to fail. An authentic tale of life and not some sugar-coated version of life people want to share on Facebook.
Most everyone has a purpose in writing. For memoirists, this describes it best: “We must build a structure with our truth so that other people can shelter there.” So, for now, if blogging is the way to get there, then I’ll keep mining for respect. Besides, nobody ever promised a life with guarantees.